mY SuIcIdE NoTe

mY SuIcIdE nOtE

The thoughts had been recurrent through the week. I imagined myself leaving a final note behind, but would I write? Other thoughts crept in…

I thought to myself, “is it Normal? Is it Christian? Who can I tell of these strange thoughts? Who would understand that I can’t even a place a finger on what is really gone wrong? Is it my job, family, friends, fiends, my faith, my fate, my fears….what exactly? ”

Suicide as described by kenea (a lawyer friend), is cowardice; perhaps he was right! {Thank God he  didn’t possessX-men (mutants) skills of mind reading, else I would have been found out}

Some folk may think my life is a fairy tale, but then my nightmares were unending. One of my friends rightly analyzed me as 'managing perception'. If you knew me, have met me, or seen my boisterous self, bewilderment of my recent thoughts will panic you. But why would a seeming ‘perfect’ me be depressed I ask?

Well, Google was a little help…depression & suicide thoughts were not peculiar to me afterall…(thankfully…phew!)

Many people experience Suicidal thoughts at some time in their lives. Individuals with such thoughts may wonder if they are normal. Causes include the following:

• sudden, unexpected, and usually negative change in life circumstances.
• Sleep deprivation
• depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and drug or alcohol abuse.
• Use of  illegal drugs e.g.  marijuana, cocaine, methamphetamine, phencyclidine (PCP), and LSD.
• Some Anxiety disorders, like Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
• Genetically transmitted or inherited suicide ideation and depression.
• People who have a history of previous suicide threats or attempts are at higher risk of attempting suicide in the future.
• Medication side effects (in rare instances) etc

It is important you know that you are not alone. Many of us have had serious suicidal thoughts at some point in our lives—experts believe it’s as many as one in six people.

Feeling suicidal is not a character defect, and it doesn’t mean that you are crazy, or weak, or flawed. It only means that you have more pain than you can cope with right now.

This pain seems overwhelming and permanent *at the moment*, but with time and support, you can overcome your problems, and the pain and suicidal feelings will pass. Hope is out there and help is available to you. JUST CALL ON JESUS

Well, I thought hard but couldn’t package the content of my suicide note effectively…I was indebted to God, to lives I had to impart in my stay on earth….so much & more to do, to live for…especially Heaven. Why play the fool? I’ve given it all to God in prayer & I trust Him to fix me up in His time. He’s made me beautiful and that’s just perfect!